— <3 Leonard Cohen
I’m too happy to sleep.
The sounds of the past memories I love, and loved with so many of my growing hearts warm my soul to almost the point of tears. I trust in my feelings all over again that I do not belong here, I belong moving, I belong trusting my gut & enjoying the world around me. I love seeing everything around me, and learning the thoughts of the people in it. The fire in me, the tingling in my bones with anger, I love it even.
My lust for life has grown to something stronger.
I used to long for goals, for means & matter. For some meaning in my chaos of a life back when, only to wish for more chaos of the sort now at times, but I believe I’ve achieved the ideals I wanted. I wanted self sufficiency, a means to a life. The means to happiness & feeling at least somewhat tolerant in where & in what I’m currently situated. I finally unpacked my bags. My cheeks have the stretching feeling of a first smile to the day, the butterflies in my chest. My bones have grown stronger with age, with someone by my side, with hardness & with softness. With tolerance, and with vigilance. I feel my fire growing again as it used to every day & I fucking love it.
I’ve grown into someone new. I think I like her.